A delightful, angelic little boy Johnny was waiting for his mom outside the ladies’ room of the gas station:
A man approached him and asked.
“Sonny, can you tell me where the Post Office is?”
The little Johnny cheerily replied.
“Sure, mister! Just go down this street two blocks and turn left. It’s on the right. You can’t miss it.”
The man thanked the boy kindly, complimented him on how bright he was, and said.“I’m the new pastor in town. If you and your mommy come to church on Sunday I’ll show you how to get to Heaven!”
The little Johnny replied with a chuckle.
“You’re sh*tting me, right? You can’t even find the Post Office!”
A guy walks into a bar with his cat, but the bartender immediately says,
“Sorry, no animals allowed in here.”
To the bartender’s surprise, the cat speaks up:
“Hey, I’m tired of this discrimination. Just give me a drink, okay?”
The bartender rolls his eyes and says, “Oh great, not another guy with the old talking-cat ventriloquist act. Both of you, out!”
The man quickly protests, “No, no, no, this isn’t a trick! Tell you what, I’ll leave and walk around the block. You can talk to Whiskers yourself.”
The man walks out, and the bartender watches him turn the corner.
The cat flicks its tail and says, “Now, about that drink…”
The bartender is stunned but quickly recovers.
“Wow, okay, drinks are on the house for you! Hey, could you do me a favor? My wife works next door at the café, and she’d get such a kick out of this. Here’s ten bucks—go in, order a coffee, and keep the change.”
“Sure thing,” says the cat, taking the money and strolling out the door.
Ten minutes pass, and the cat hasn’t returned.
The owner comes back and asks, “Where’s Whiskers?”
Concerned, both of them go looking for the cat.
As they approach the café, they spot Whiskers in the alley… lounging on a pile of cash and flirting with a fancy Persian cat.
The owner shouts, “Whiskers! What are you doing?! You’ve never done this before!”
Whiskers yawns and says, “Hey, I’ve never had money before.”
