A mother was walking down the hall when she heard a humming sound coming from her daughter’s bedroom.
When she opened the door she found her daughter without clothes on the bed with a vibrator. “What are you doing?”
She exclaimed. The daughter replied, “I’m 35 and still living at home with my parents and this is the closest I’ll ever get to a husband.”
Later that week, the father was in the kitchen and heard a humming sound coming from the basement. When he went downstairs, he found his daughter without clothes on a sofa with her vibrator. “What are you doing?” He exclaimed. The daughter replied, “I’m 35 and still living at home with my parents and this is the closest I’ll ever get to a husband.”
A couple of days later the mother heard the humming sound again, this time coming from the den. Upon entering the room, she found her husband watching television with the vibrator buzzing away beside him. “What are you doing?” She asked. He replied, “Watching the game with my son-in-law.
During a commercial airline flight, a Navy Chief was seated next to a young mother with a baby in her arms.
When her baby began crying during the descent for landing, the mother began nursing her infant as discreetly as possible.
The Chief pretended not to notice and, upon debarking, he gallantly offered his assistance to help with the various baby-related articles.
When the young mother expressed her gratitude, he responded, “Gosh, that’s a good-looking baby…and he sure was hungry!”
Somewhat embarrassed, the mother explained that her pediatrician said b.r.e.astfeeding would help alleviate the pressure in the baby’s ears.
The Chief sadly shook his head, and in true Sailor fashion, exclaimed, “And all these years I’ve been chewing gum.”
A stranger was seated next to a little girl on the airplane when the stranger turned to her and said:
“Let’s talk, I am sure that flights are faster if you strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger.”
The little girl who had just opened her book, closed it slowly and asked the stranger,
“What would you like to talk about?”
“Oh, I don’t know”, said the stranger.
“How about n.u.clear power?” The girl asked.
“Ok,” he said “That could be an interesting topic!”
The girl continues: “But let me ask you a question first. A horse, a cow and a deer all eat grass, the same stuff. Yet a deer excretes little pellets, while a cow turns out a flat patty, and a horse produces clumps of dried grass. Why do you suppose that is?”
“The stranger thinks about it and says: “Hmmm, I have no idea.”
To which the little girl replies: “Do you really feel qualified to discuss nuclear power when you don’t know s.hit?”
